CuiousPages - fiction and nonfiction
CuriousPages - fiction and nonfiction
The man said, “Don’t jump; it’s not worth it,” and started edging towards him.
Samuel said, “Oh, go away, you ridiculous man; I’m not trying to jump.”
“You must have something to live for. Let me talk to you.”
The man edged closer. Samuel waved him away and said, “I’m not trying to jump. Go away.”
“You don’t fool me. It’s not worth it. Don’t do it.”
Samuel shouted “I won’t! There, now go away.”
The man edged along the ledge. He was crouching down and clinging to the wall, but he now stood up and took the last few steps to Samuel. On his last step, he stumbled and swayed out but managed to grip a proud piece of brickwork which framed the window. He sat down beside Samuel and gripped his arm. He rather stupidly (Samuel thought) told him, “Now, if you’re going to jump, you’ll take me with you.”
Samuel, who was still seething at the man’s stupidity, told him: “And if you fall, you’ll take me with you.”
The man leant close to Samuel’s ear and whispered, “Is your girlfriend satisfied with your performance?”
Samuel shouted “What?”
The man said, “With an extra two inches you’ll take her to unimaginable heights of pleasure.”
Samuel grabbed the man’s hand and tried to free it from his arm as he shouted, “You’ve come out here just to tell me this; you might have killed me!”
The man gripped his arm and said, “Millions of men have tested this system and their girlfriends say they are the best in bed.”
Samuel wrestled the man from him, stood up, climbed back into his window and shut it. The man stood up, gripping the proud brickwork, knocked on the glass with his head and shouted: “Punish her with your nine full inches.”
Samuel closed the blinds and left his office. Outside, a receptionist, Clair, whom he had always been attracted to, stepped over to him to give him a message. There was something about the slight irregularity in the curve of her nose that fascinated him. Initially he began watching it out of curiosity, but then soon he became addicted, and now he always found time to talk to her.
In the kitchen of 17 Misconception Boulevard, Sally Softly and the half‑dressed chief constable were standing beside the coffee machine. Above the gurgling machine, the muffled exchanges of the three visitors in the living room could be heard.
Sally was deep in thought about this man on the sofa whom she had deduced (by “scientifically examining the facts”) was Peter’s half‑brother. She then felt Roland Wise’s hand scurrying over the back of her leg. She recalled that look on his face as he got up off her in the living room—got quickly up off her and then sighed with relief. She pictured him with Peter on the golf course, both laughing about her. She shuddered again at the thought of their trickery, then grabbed Roland’s shoulder, said, “Right—we’ll start in the garden,” and pushed him towards the back door.
He seemed reluctant, “The garden—”
She tugged at his arm while warning him, with a playful smile, “We’ll have to be quick mind—”
His legs started to tremble, “But—”
She looked at his reluctant expression which appeared to be expressing disgust at the idea of having sex with her. And something about his expression incensed her even more than usual (—Right. I’ll get them both back for this. Wants to have a laugh about me, does he? Well, let’s see him laugh about this—). And she tugged more firmly on his arm, saying, irritably, “Come on,” and slipping his underpants down over his buttocks with her other hand as she tugged him towards the door.
Roland—holding onto his underpants—appeared to be somewhat flustered, “But, but—”
But she was not having any of this; she opened the door, snapped, “Get out there,” pushed him out through it (Roland still dressed in only his shirt, underwear, shoes and his chief constable’s hat—for he was still apparently unaware he was wearing it) and as they stepped out through the door, Sally’s smirk triumphantly returned at the thought of Roland’s marathon performance around the garden.

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